Super Clubs

Right, this week's blog is about Super Clubs. The great thing about living in the Noughties (‘Naughties’, I call them) is that whichever city you live in you can go and get off your face in a Super Club. Super Clubs are like night clubs, but night clubs where the world’s most famous superstar DJs play EVERY week. UK Super Clubs have been the best in the world since the Eighties (‘Hate-ies’, I call them). Here’s a run down on the best UK Super Clubs, past and present. Read it and weep, Germany.

The Hacienda in Manchester opened in December 1984 and was Great Britain’s first ever Super Club. New Order were the resident DJs (a pre-curser to nights like Bugged Out! having bands like Klaxons and Hot Chips DJing) and it was run by all the local drug dealers – so you could really shop around inside. One of my biggest regrets in life is only being 4 years old at the time of its opening, and not getting the chance to attend. Whenever I’m up in Manchester now though, I’m straight down The Hacienda.

Cream in Liverpool opened up a few years later and introduced the world to vocal house. Judge Jules and Paul Oakenfold played back-to-back every week and, in the nineties, it was a magnet for celebrity pussy. Sadly, Cream closed its doors a few years ago after losing their heads and wasting all their money on unproven talent. They made a fucking Mixmag tape-sender and a WOMAN co-residents with the Judge and Oakie – which apparently PISSED OFF Judge Jules. The celebrities had never heard of the new residents so they stopped turning up. Cream then sold Paul Oakenfold to a club in Goa and started putting parties on in a field like it was the fucking Summer of Love again. I really wish they were still going because I always thought Cream had the best logo.

Down in Birmingham, the best Super Club is undoubtedly Sundissential. This is the place where anything goes, and it’s the only club in the country you can go to for hard house on a Sunday afternoon.

I once played the third room at Sundissential and was so off my face that I completely fucked up every single transition. Everyone was still dancing and gurning though – that’s how friendly the place is. The promoter, Madders, is probably the most famous dance promoter around at the moment. He’s got long hair and introduces the DJs before they come on – absolute QUALITY.

The midlands has always been heavily involved in the Super Club movement. Legend has it that at Renaissance in Nottingham, Sasha gave a young John Digweed his big break in show-business after seeing him in tears during the breakdown of Paul Van Dyke’s ‘For An Angel’. He got him up on stage to play the next track and it turned out Digweed was just as good at mixing as Sasha. The rest, as they say, is dance music history.

Those were the days of open communication between DJ and Dancer. These days, nightclubs cage their DJs up like fucking animals. That is the one thing that PISSES me off about Club Fabric; you can’t see the DJ. You can’t check out what record he’s playing. You can’t shake his hand when he drops a bomb. They could be playing a fucking tape all night for all we know. Has ANYONE ever seen inside the Fabric DJ cage? Let me know what goes on in there and if the DJs on the flyer are the DJs in the box.

You get Super Clubs all over the world now. The biggest one outside of London is probably Berlin, in a place called Berghain in West Germany. Berlin does not close its doors and has a strict dress code and behaviour policy. They also have the biggest bouncers in Europe who employ the ‘no trainers, no jeans’ rule like fucking demons. Bog-standard superstar DJ antics do not go down well in this grim East German drug box. Richie Hawtin once got chucked out in the middle of his DJ set for spitting his lager down the back of a woman’s neck. Down at Malibu Stacey’s he would have been fucking APPLAUDED.

As much as I love Super Clubs I’m wondering about their future in the world of dance. Why go and get fucked up in Fabric, NOT see the DJ and NOT pull a bird you should be able to get off with easily when you can go and get fucked up in a strip club, LISTEN to dance music and spend a bit of extra money PULLING a fit looking glamour model? On paper, it’s a no-brainer.

Unless places like Fabric open their minds and get creative with the show they are putting on each week, I can only see strip clubs getting more popular and eventually pulling away from the more traditional night clubs in this country, Great Britain.

Clubs in Ibiza have women dancing in cages. Manumission not only showcase the best superstar DJs in the world every Saturday night, but the promoters also suck each other off on stage for the punters. It gets EVERYONE in the mood for dancing and having a bit of how's your father at chucking out time. It simply creates a great atmosphere.

Its exactly this kind of pizzazz the UK market should be looking to emulate. I suggest that Fabric put the DJ on the stage in Room 1 and have naked strippers dancing in cages and on podiums where the current DJ cage is. Only THIS would get people flooding back to the house of dance.

Who's with me?

Next week, as this is the Weekly Review of Dance Music, I’m going to be reviewing a few things. Music singles, new DJs, and a club night review.

Also, if anyone has/and/or knows of any good/unsigned DJs and/or producers (has to be dance), send me/get them to send me a link so I can have a listen/download to it/them. I will then review on THIS blog.

I also want to do a monthly podcast (like RA’s, but better). Send me your MP3 mixes with a description of you, your style, what you like about dancing music and a recent photo. I will sift through the shit and showcase the best ones on the first Tuesday of the month, EVERY month, ON a Tuesday.



No spam/no threats

PS / TIP: If you want a guaranteed good night, go to Ministry of Sound in London. They’re such a massive organisation that they now ONLY employ superstar DJs – you don’t get any warm up bollocks.