WRDM10

WRDM10 is the tenth and final post by Tonka. Tonka would like to thank everyone who has read and enjoyed the Weekly Review of Dance Music since its conception in July of this year.

Unfortunately, the running costs for an operation of this size has proved unsustainable and the blog can no longer continue. In the last few months Tonka has had to sell his black Vauxhall Corsa, his taupe Ralph Lauren winter mac and has regrettably had to take up a second job as assistant barman in The Black Horse pub (Greenford) in order to honour contracts of employment made with two researchers and a personal assistant called Vanessa.



Tonka created WRDM as a way of becoming rich and, unfortunately, his blog is not as popular as he first told his bank manager it would be. His 6 month visitor projections proved false and revenue from Google Ads has been, frankly, negligible. His promise of regular sub-contract work for www.residentadvisor.net was, in fact, a lie and his father is not a wealthy and eccentric, unconditional benefactor; he is a security guard at the Birmingham Symphony Hall called Steve.

My friend has assured me that he has “quite enjoyed” writing about dance music for free, and at cost to himself, so it is with a heavy heart and a tear that he has come to the decision to wind down the Weekly Review of Dance Music and concentrate fully on his public sector office administration job and part-time local bar work. If the offers had flooded in from legitimate dance music businesses Tonka would not be in this position. All he wanted was to get paid big cash money for his outstanding dance writing abilities and an all expenses paid trip to Miami for the 2012 Winter Music Conference. None of this materialised and it has had a negative effect on both his self esteem and expected finances. Que sera, sera.


As a matter of fact Tonka’s imagination has dried up and, as a consequence, he has run out of fresh ideas and angles for communicating dance music information and serious review to the units who read and subscribe to WRDM. His blog is no longer innovative. He has lost the creative wherewithal and ambition to challenge the way dance music is perceived and discussed in the media, and thus his primary aim to use WRDM as a catalyst for sensible argument and personal gain will remain sadly unfulfilled.

He leaves behind a solid body of work (WRDM4 to WRDM7) and memories of a time when dance music was fun. When dance music was not about scenes and haircuts but about super clubs, strict dress codes and doing as many headache tablets as possible before going back home to your parents and telling them that you had “too much to drink last night.” Tonka reminded us all of a time when dancing to a kick drum, closed hi-hat, clap, sub-bass, synth, open hi-hat, warm pad, snare fill and a “come on” vocal for 12 hours was a laugh, not a gathering for wankers filming every transition on their mobile phones and ‘thinking’ about what each particular track was ‘saying’ to them. Tonka knew that dance music was JUST about having fun, and should not be compared with collecting stamps, looking at trains or going to church on a Sunday morning; only complete fucking dickheads take dance music that seriously, he once wrote to me in an SMS text message. I'm still not quite sure what he meant by all that but he did mean it.



An insight into the man: Tonka once pulled me to one side outside WHSmith in Crouch End and opened my eyes with his mouth. He said “ecstasy is called ecstasy for a reason.” I asked him what he meant and he looked around to make sure no one else was eavesdropping on the bombshell he was about to drop and simply said “they don’t call it dance music for nothing.” I spluttered and asked him if anyone else was privy to this. He slowly shook his head before spinning around quickly and darting towards Boots for his wife’s weekly Tampax lady tampons box. That was the last time I saw him.

It is unclear where Tonka’s head is at today. He faxed a photocopied note to me at the weekend and explained that he has “gone to Belgium for a while and may be some time.” This morning I received a Jiffy bag containing a cassette with the words 'Ecstasy World (Where I Wanna Be) by Tonka' scrawled on the side.

I have painstakingly converted the cassette into an MP3 electronic file, inserted that MP3 into the laptop I am writing this letter from and somehow manipulated it into this blog. If you have stereo sound on your listening device I suggest you crank it up to max and get a load of this:

Ecstasy World (Where I Wanna Be)

Tonka's legacy will be a sensational song, an insightful interview and 10 incredible posts.

With great delight,
Draper