Sing along with me, NOW:

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Weekly Review of Dance Music,
Happy Birthday to you!!!

WRDM is now a one year old. It's almost walking properly, it's shits are solid, it burbles stuff about mamma and dadda and it fucking LOVES playing Peekaboo. What a cutey!

So, how best to celebrate a birthday? I always like to celebrate mine by holding a sex orgy with plenty of female women, loads of booze, mountains of coke and I'd soundtrack it with my birthday present; each year my wife buys me the latest Fabric CD.

Unfortunately, I can't invite all of my readers to a sex orgy. What I can do, however, is bring a sex orgy to you.

"How, Tonka?"

Well, all you have to do is carry on reading today's post. It's all about SEX. I'll be starting off light with a couple of my favourite YouTube clips to get you in the mood, after that I'll be 'in the zone', spreading your legs wide and making you feel my words and opinions about dance music for what feels like forever and right at the end when you're about to spill over I'm going to make you read the last paragraph on your knees whilst I shower your face with white, hot cum...in the form of a mix I made. It's called Sex Mix 69 and it's a gift from me to you...my loyal, loving readership.

"Why, Tonka?"

Because I love you.

Clip 1

The Notorious B.I.G. feat. R. Kelly - Fucking You Tonight

This clip gets me in the mood every time. If you like straight up fucking then this is the song for you and your woman/man. If I were to put myself in a woman's shoes, I imagine the thought of Biggie Smalls slobbering all over me whilst R Kelly watches from the doorway is a MASSIVE turn on.

Clip 2

R. Kelly - Ain't Nothing Wrong With Some Bump and Grind

If you haven't bumped and ground with a chick/fella in a night club, you haven't fucking lived OR loved. This song is an R&B banger in every sense of the word 'bang' and every time I've heard Sandwell District drop it at Fabric I've pulled. Women LOVE this track and can't resist pushing their arses out and grinding it against the first male crotch in their bum radar. I've got off with so many women at Club Fabric to this. Cheers, Regis! ;-)

Clip 3

Paul McCartney - Silly Love Songs

Listen to the first 15 seconds of this song. It's mechanical, rhythmic, hydraulic sex in it's most base form. McCartney is illustrating the mid section of a highly charged sex session in that intro, giving the listener an insight into the way he was banging Linda at the time. Over and over. Again and again. Relentlessly pounding her from behind. Repetitiously giving her what she needs...meat.

This song is also good for tricking women into thinking you're a sweetie.

If those three songs haven't got you close to cumming, what I'm about to give you will send you over the edge. So, get on your knees. Come on. Come on, babe. On your knees. Now. That's it, sugar. There we go...I love you so much, baby.

In honour of WRDM turning 1 I'm ejaculating Sex Mix 69 all over your face. It's credited (by me) as being the first mix of it's kind to sit naked under the sex house genre. Download this, stream it, whatever you like, you dirty muthafuckers!

NOTE - you can't listen to this now because Soundcloud have taken it down for being TOO sexy and for infringing various copyright laws.

Wow. What a post! That was AMAZING, honey! If, like me, your average sex session lasts 45 minutes that'll be perfect for you. I need to go shower now so I do hope you enjoyed my online birthday sex orgy. I know I did. Best birthday ever! Winking smiley face.

Before I go, let me say this: you've drained me. I've ejaculated 3 posts out of my balls this week - Acid Pauli was good, Bloc 2012 was beautiful but today's post has sent me into another world. Pure pleasure.

I'll be back next week with more of the same.

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