Hi gang,

This week's WRDM (Weekly Review of Dance Music) post is, as usual, full of reviews.

You may think that the Weekly Review of Dance Music is all about me reviewing dance music songs every week but it's really not the case. Despite what I decided to name this blog, I'm also all about loads of other kinds of music. Check this out. Here's an A-Z sample of my iPod iTunes v11.02.26 collection to prove my point:

Acid Pauli
Behling & Simpson
Catz 'N Dogz
DJ Mehdi (R.I.P.)
Egyptian Lover
Finley Quaye
George Morel
Happy Mondays
Ice Cube
John Shuttleworth
Ol' Dirty Bastard
P.M. Dawn
Ricardo Villalobos (OBVIOUSLY! LOL)
Underground Solution
Various Artists
X-Factor Finalists

Note. If you read the above out loud to the vinyl dub of Daft Punk's 'Teachers' it sounds just like a different version of an old Soulwax Nite Versions track called, coincidentally, 'Teachers.'

As you can see though, it's not ALL dance and gangster rap. In amongst it you'll see an artist called John Shuttleworth. I've been a fan of his for a long time. If you've not heard of him, he's a middle-aged singer/songwriter who plays a tinny Yamaha keyboard and sings songs that could have been written by your granddad. He's exactly what Telex would sound like if they were fronted by Richard Hawley.

When I heard that he was playing a February concert in London I didn't hesitate to decide to go. I congratulated myself, circled the date of the gig on my Resident Advisor Topless Writers 2013 calendar and went to the shops for a six pack of 1664. That night I sat on my own and listened to The Yamaha Years twice before falling asleep. In my excitement I forgot to order a fucking ticket and didn't realise until I was half way into town for the gig! Knowing it would be a sell-out I chose to turn up anyway and pray to Our Lord Heavenly Father and Jesus that I would be lucky enough find a tout outside the theatre.

As I walked up that alley to the Leicester Square Theatre I spotted a fat one and sidled up...

"Seventy five quid, mate"

"Seventy five quid?"

"Yes, mate. Seventy five quid"

"For John Shuttleworth?"


"Fucking hell. Really?"

"Yes, mate"

"Seventy five?"


"Have you got change for an eighty?"

He sucked me right in and I paid up the full £75.00. I was extremely angry for having paid so much to see someone who doesn't even have a warm up act but glad for the experience I was about to experience.

I took my seat and sat through hit after hit. You name it, he played it: 'Modern Man', 'Y Reg', 'Pigeons In Flight', 'I Can't Go Back To Savoury Now' and 'Smells Like White Spirit'. All this was interspersed by charming, but fairly dull, anecdotes which the rest of the audience seemed to find hilarious. He was talking about buying toasters off of eBay and how his missus won't let him play his keyboard in the living room. Every time he opened his mouth to talk I could hardly fucking hear him for chuckles. The only people not laughing were John Shuttleworth and me. I felt sorry for the poor fucker, to be honest with you. Why pay all that money to see a musician and try to put him off when he tries to interact with the fans?

Compare that to when I saw Surgeon at a club in Liverpool one Christmas. Here's a serious DJ who's reputation is based on playing serious tunes whilst being very serious on the decks. He even LOOKS serious with them glasses. I travelled all the way to Liverpool on Boxing Day a few years ago to get the taste of turkey out of my system by licking half a gram of MDMA out of a plastic bag. Surgeon played an extremely serious set that night and at the end we (the revellers) were demanding that he play one more record before we had to get the ferry back across the Mersey (LOL - KIDDING, GUYS!!! ;-) ).

I'm seriously not kidding about demanding one more track though - I'm serious about that. We all shouted in unison, "One more track! One more track!" and Surgeon seriously obliged. I couldn't believe it, he started playing 'The Bells' by Geoff Mills. My favourite!

I started stomping again and shoved some poppers up some Scouse bird's nose before something happened that put me off Surgeon forever. Instead of the serious monotone melody that usually accompanies 'The Bells', the happy and joyous Jingle Bells melody began to play over the top of it. I, like many others, dropped my bottle and stormed out into the streets of Liverpool cold, unamused and hubcap-less (LOL - GUYS, I'M KIDDING!!! ;-) ).

I was cold and unamused though.

If you're a serious DJ don't try being funny. If you go to see a serious musician don't try and put him off by laughing at him every time he tries to connect with you.

John Shuttleworth at the Leicester Square Theatre / February 2013

Surgeon at Aztec club in Liverpool / Boxing Day 2006
Main set: 8/10
One More: 1/10

I'll be back next Tuesday with more sensational reviews, undercover exposés and all the DJ gossip from around the UK and Éire.

Who's with me?

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