WRDMerchandise 2015

This Credit Crunch is still munching on my bank account, lads. Look, I'm having to flog shit like this to keep my head above water. I'm not making ANY money from writing so I reckon hawking dance music related merchandise every few months is as good an idea as any...

...at least until my live show gets rolling. Buy one of each of everything to help keep WRDMHQ brewing with content for another month.

Official WRDM Bootleg Top Shop Rihanna T-Shirt

Top Shop might have bottled it and pulled these from their shelves, but I'm not. Whether you're an unimaginatively dressed young lady, a lady in her thirties who dresses like a twenty one year old or a thin, gay man who's convinced that he's fashionably adventurous, you'll LOVE wearing this 'EXCLUSIVE to WRDM' white vest with Rihanna's face on the front.

Dennis Edwards: Official 'No Beef' Beef in partnership with WRDM and Alex James

Whenever anyone hears the song, Don't Look Any Further, thoughts turn to Tupac making his own bed by rapping about how he's going to murder the entire East Coast rapping fraternity in the popular gangsta rap song, Hit 'Em Up. Apart from the prominent sample of his popular hit song, Dennis had fuck all to do with the mid-90s coast war that cost the lives of two of raps rhyming royalty, so it's about time we remember Dennis Edwards in a less hostile way.

Dennis Edwards fan, Alex James out of Blur, has provided WRDMHQ with a set of keys to the abattoir on his farm in Oxfordshire and six months access to all of the animals that produce the meat, beef, so that we can generate enough stock to pay tribute to Dennis in the way that we have chosen to do so on this week's Weekly Review of Dance Music post, WRDMerchandise 2015.

Online shop with WRDM. Get your Dennis Edwards: Official 'No Beef' Beef in partnership with WRDM and Alex James only three for a pound. Three for a pound, ladies and gentlemen. Three for a pound.

Bermuda Mansion. The Official WRDM Branded Cigarettes

Our so-called ConDem Coalition government may be on the verge of bottling out of calling our Great British fags things like MayfairEmbassyPall Mall and Diplomat, and getting rid of the fancy fonts and pictures, but I'm not.

Don't buy boring fags, smoke Bermuda Mansion, and make your school mates jealous, envious and green with envy.

I don't even smoke, and I smoke Bermuda Mansion!

Glow In The Dark Children's Bedroom Stephanie Sykes WRDM Wall Stickers

Name to watch in 2015, Stephanie Sykes, may very well be a friend of a friend in the dance music industry, but that's definitely NOT the reason I've peppered her name all over various online publications since seeing her breathtaking warm up at Atomic Jam last year. I met her that night, too, right after she finished her job. After barging my way backstage to the DJ booth and greeting Stephanie with a combined handshake and European double face kiss, I kept things brief and formal:

"Stephanie. With my help, your marketability next year could potentially rise upwards of four thousand percent by the third quarter. After a couple of successful Atomic Jam slots under your belt, a Fabric gig should be in your sights before May and, again, by sticking with me, kid, I should expect you to see a slot at Panorama and Berghain by December 2015 latest. After that, you're looking at a Resident Advisor podcast and, naturally, plenty more European work and festivals after that. In 2016, you'll be a global name and the face of Atomic Jam in Birmingham like Erol was the face of Bugged Out! for most Londoners ten years ago. You'll be the headline attraction, love. All I need for you to do is sign away your image rights to me and I'll get to work on getting you out there. I'm Tonka. Do you have any idea how many people read the Weekly Review of Dance Music? Do you have any idea how many Facebook Likes Ran$om Note has? Sign this fucking form. Sign it now. Sign it."

I'm very pleased to announce that Stephanie signed my form there and then, like when Chris Evans bought Virgin Radio off of Richard Branson on a plane by writing a note on the back of an envelope.

Glow In The Dark Children's Bedroom Stephanie Sykes Wall Stickers will make your favourite child's heart glow...with pride.

Paul Oakenfold Official WRDM Baseball Bat and Machete Home Security Set

Protect YOUR family from burglary with the Paul Oakenfold Official WRDM Baseball Bat and Machete Home Security Set.

Imagine the relief you'll feel when you hear the smash of your kitchen window...and you reach down under your side of the bed to grip the leather effect handle of the baseball bat. Imagine the quiet chortle and the wink you'll be able to exchange with your other half as he or she or it slowly pulls out the machete from under their pillow as you hear your unwitting assailant creep up YOUR stairs. Imagine the look of surprise and panic on the burglar's face as you greet him (and it will be a him) with a silent, robotic barrage of blows to his head and body as soon as he enters YOUR bedroom. Imagine the positive headlines in the following days local paper, hailing you as a have-a-go hero. Imagine the lifetime of pain, the facial disfigurement and the depression you'll cause the burglar, the distress the episode has on his family and the enjoyment you'll reach from knowing that you'll not be burgled by him ever again.

The Paul Oakenfold Official WRDM Baseball Bat and Machete Home Security Set is the ONLY way to protect your home, your family and your dignity.

- Why is Paul Oakenfold involved, Tonka?

- I don't know.

If you buy three sets, I'll throw in a bonus Dave Clarke 15" Rambo Knife.

Fucking hell. All prices are negotiable on your financial situation, but if anyone even places one order for any of that shit I'll be more surprised than something that's always really surprised. Know what I mean?

I'll be back next week with more free content, content, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with ANNE SAVAGE, content and content.

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