WRDMerchandise 69

Here's some content filler to keep the Weekly Review of Dance Music ticking over. No, it's not Hilarious Lookalikes, MASSIVE QUESTIONS or Remix of the Week...it's WRDMerchandise.

Look at these and tell me that I'm NOT about to become as rich as Shane Smith.

DAVID CAMERON KETTLE / DAVID CAMERON VOODOO KETTLE
I'm still furious, as are YOU. Thanks to people like YOU, the Conservatives are now in power for the next ten years and there's nothing ANY of us can do about it. So, sit back and make yourself a boiling hot cup of tea with the WRDM David Cameron Kettle/David Cameron Voodoo Kettle.

If you voted Tory, enjoy a satisfying British brew created in a stylish kettle with David Cameron's face on the side of it. If you didn't vote for them, pull yourself up by your boot straps and get on with the difficult decisions in life by boiling up a scalding hot kettle with David Cameron's face on the side and pretend that the kettle is actually a voodoo kettle, so as the kettle reaches boiling point in your kitchen, David Cameron's face will be blistering hot in Downing Street.

Mmm, imagine sipping on that?!

£14.50 per kettle

"I'M SO GLAD YOU DON'T HAVE AIDS!!" GREETING CARD
You can buy a greeting card for almost any occasion these days, can't you? Birthdays, deaths, leaving jobs, moving house, getting married, getting divorced, passing your driving test, passing any kind of exam, starting school (yes, starting fucking school - I've seen one in action) and St. Valentine's Day, but there is never a card on the rack that neatly expresses the relief you share with a promiscuous friend who's just had their test come back negative from the clinic. The "I'm so glad you don't have AIDS!!" greeting card is perfect for letting a loved one know how much you mean to them at what is always a stressful and secretive time.

The double exclamation mark after the word, AIDS, is a literary Tim Henman fist pump and a kick in the temple to all those who told your friend or family member that if they go to Tangier for a week without at least three packets of condoms, they'll definitely catch AIDS.

Pack of 10 - £4.99
Pack of 25 - £9.99

ADIDAS TONKA
Slalom through the dance floor with an easy glide and moves that would turn Jay Kay's hat green with envy with a pair of the brand new and OFFICIAL Adidas Tonka.

If, after three months of wear, you can't break-dance or bust out as well as Jay Kay can in the videos to Return of the Space Cowboy, Virtual Insanity and Canned Heat you get your money back AND a personal apology from the great granddaughter of Adolf Dassler.

The Adidas Tonka has a smooth suede upper and a herringbone pattern on the rubber outsole. They've also got comfortable textile lining, contrast and perforated details.

£59.99 per pair

DJ POSTERS
You can buy a poster of almost anything these days, can't you? Dinosaurs, pop stars, footballers, tube maps, maps of the world, maps of Great Britain, cats, dogs, jungle scenes, film stars, artwork, tennis players scratching their arses, Popes smoking dope, aliens, magic eye things, Che Guevara, John Bishop, glamour models and big spliff motifs, but there is never a poster on the rack of your favourite DJ or producer.

I would have loved a poster of John Digweed on my ceiling when I was a kid, and I'm sure the youth of today would love a poster of Steve Lawler on their walls today, so, today, I bring to you the official range of WRDM DJ posters. You name them, I've got them. Above is a picture of me sticking a few up in the WRDMHQ main office.

£5.99 per poster

WE ALL HATE CHARLIE STAYT T-SHIRT
You can tell I'm getting bored of doing this week's post because the descriptions of the merchandise is getting less and less descriptive. I can't be fucking arsed to describe this t-shirt or give you any background to why I dislike the Thursday-Saturday BBC Breakfast presenter, Charlie Stayt, so much. Just fucking buy a few off of me because I really need the money this summer.

£9.99 per t-shirt

I'll be back next week with either MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Anne Savage, MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Lisa Loud or an article that is going to fuck my chances of getting any more paid work with one of the MASSIVE online mainstream culture magazines right up the arse bareback and give them (my chances) AIDS.

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