Super Hilarious Lookalikes: Turbo Championship Edition

Last week's WRDM was a bit fucking heavy, wasn't it? Deary me. Let's lighten, brighten and lighten things up a bit by dive-bombing our arses into a MASSIVE swimming pool full of Hilarious Lookalikes on WRDM, the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music, in this week's special Super Hilarious Lookalikes: Turbo Championship Edition on this week's Weekly Review of Dance Music, otherwise known as WRDM: the Weekly Review of Dance Music.

When you hear the beat...let's go:

I know she's got fuck all to do with dance music, but I've been saying Yvette Cooper looks like T-1000 out of Terminator 2: Judgement Day for about a year and a half now. When are the Labour party members going to take notice? Any armchair politician will tell you that you're about as electable as an outed paedophile if you look a bit like a fictional Hollywood baddie. PMSL.

Have you ever seen Charles Kennedy stumbling around the Courtyard at Cream, badgering young white lads with afros and shell-suits on for Mitsibishis and booking superstar DJs like Paul Oakenfold, Carl Cox and Krysko? Have you ever seen James Barton stumbling around the House of Commons, badgering opposition MPs and then suddenly dying of a major hemorrhage linked to alcoholism? None of that makes sense, but it scans well and you can kind of get what joke I was trying to make with it, can't you? LOLoutLOUD.

No. Sorry. This one doesn't work as well as it did in my head. Next. ROFLOFL.

Don't try and tell me that you've never done a double-take after your seventh Mitsibishi down Republic in Sheffield for Gatecrasher in the late 90s. No, it wasn't Manchester United goalkeeper, Peter Schmeichel, spinning Forbidden Fruit for about the fourth time, it's Armin Van Buuren playing Flaming June for the third time! LOLOLOLOLOL.

As far as I remember from my Jamaican DJing classes at secondary school, King Stitt (Rest In Peace) earned that nickname as a boy because of his stuttering and decided to use it as his stage name. Stitt began deejaying on Clement Dodd's Sir Coxsone's Downbeat Sound System in 1956.

Count Machuki, the original Jamaican deejay, noticed him for his dancing and offered him to try his hand on the mic. Stitt soon built his own deejay set, occasionally replacing him and eventually becoming one of the most popular deejays on the island's dances. He became King Stitt when he was crowned "king of the deejays" in 1963, in the heyday of ska.

Following the folding of Sir Coxsone's Downbeat's sound system around 1968 (as Coxsone preferred to concentrate on recordings), Stitt found himself working as a mason in Ocho Rios. He had been deejaying at the mic for over ten years when he was first recorded over brand new reggae rhythms in 1969, creating some of the first deejay records ever.

He also looked exactly like Blanka out of Street Fighter II after Zangief had done about four spinning piledrivers in a row on him and got a Perfect. ROFLMAO.

Mark Heap don't half look like Moritz von Oswald...or is it the other way round?! Who knows, eh? I don't know which one's been around the longest, to be honest. One's been a comedy actor for years, the other one's been doing the high-brow, poncey end of techno for years. Either way, they look a bit like one another if you paste both of their photos into Microsoft Word, change the colour saturation to 0% in the Format section of Picture Tools and squint. ROTFL.

Fuck me. I've almost lost the will to live after doing all of them. I'd rather be moaning about having to chase up lying websites for peanuts like proper freelancers are always having to do.

Not really. LOLoutLOUD. I'll be back next week with either MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Daniel Avery where the only questions I ask are about old school WWF characters or a normal MASSIVE QUESTIONS with Martyn Hare. Yes, the Weekly Review of Dance Music goes from strength to strength. Don't let ANYONE convince you otherwise.

Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Please Like me: facebook/tonkawrdm
Please Follow me: @tonkawrdm
Please Email me:
Please watch Tonka's Week every Friday: